


Dedusmuln Uncharted: The Hunt for the Paper Cup

by TheVelvetUndergrowth



Category: Hylics (Video Game)
Genre: Do not copy this work to other websites, Gen, Mild Angst, Neurodivergent Dedusmuln, Nonbinary Character, Pre-Canon, References to characters & objects in Hylics 2, Taking some liberties with the source material, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:34:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25928218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVelvetUndergrowth/pseuds/TheVelvetUndergrowth
Summary: Dedusmuln has finally been granted permission to set off on their first solo mission: to track down the fabled paper cup that they had dedicated years of their archeological studies to. Before making their way to the island chain rumored to hold such pre-accretion artifacts, the emergent explorer decides to take with them a recording device to audibly catalogue each step of their journey.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 42





	1. Entries 1-6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would just like to add before you read this story that I like to depict Dedusmuln as being autistic-coded (although this story is not about them struggling with this disorder per say) as well as having no eyes; they aren't blind in the same way a human can be though, since their species has evolved to navigate their environment without the need for complex eyes. I also refer to their green head horns as 'tendrils,' since I see them as being very plant-like among other things. 
> 
> With that out of the way, enjoy!

**4:35 PM** **Entry: 1** **Microworm: Wriggling**

...

“Ahem!

“Greetings to all of you back at the academy. It is I, Dedusmuln, offering each of your beings a warm salutations from the Pastel Archipelago! At this moment I stand upon the soft earth of the southeastern isle, specifically in an area close to the island port from where my boat had come to dock. A kind being within their domicile had informed me that this site may in fact contain the paper cup that I’ve been searching for all this time. My tendrils’ liana have been absolutely saturated in sunlight since my arrival, so I hope this good weather persists for my digging tomorrow. In addition to the sun, the air’s scent here is thick with the salt of the bay, I tell you! It simply engulfs my epidermic flesh sort of like a far out poncho: unfamiliar, yet protective. I can faintly hear the waves splashing farther off from here, but I suppose that was an unnecessary detail considering this recording is also picking up the sound...

...

“Erm, right! A-Also, I have already taken the liberty of pitching my tent in this potential archeological site, since I detect no vibrations near me that indicate any signs of wildlife or hostile individuals to pester or bludgeon me whilst I excavate. I still need to assemble my vision projector, but that work will wait until after dinner. Forgive me for sounding unprofessional, but I am currently feeling absolutely stoked for this mission! Never had I imagined that my first solo expedition will be one of such importance, both for the pre-accretion scholars and for myself. The hunt for the paper cup has been long, but I promise you all that I will personally end the ‘paper debate’ once and for all with my findings. The power of thin viscosity will soon be upon us!

“Um… bye!”

* * *

**9:17 PM** **Entry: 2** **Microworm: Wriggling**

“Pleasant evenings to all who are listening!

“I have just completed the assembly of the vision projector and, from what my tendrils could gather, it seems that nighttime is upon me. No need for any worries though, as I am safely under my tent and will remain so until the sun has arisen. Call me superstitious, but I am a firm believer that it is from the light of our King’s celestial satellite that’s been the primary cause of the lunacy aggravation. N-Not that I am critiquing His Reasoning for piloting that ray! Of course not! The most violent of anarchists do deserve punishment for everyone’s protection after all. I simply do not want to, well, risk accidentally being labeled as one whilst basking under His Light, and thus I do not want its radiance encasing my body.

“If I were to give a tip to any emergent explorers operating a vision projector, it would be to insert each inner tentacle individually into the opening instead of placing them in by handfuls. It might take more time. Well, it WILL take more time, but it will most certainly be easier for the outer ones to waggle if the inners have more room to splice them. I have to credit my mentor, Smuldunde, for that trick. They made sure to teach it to me after my first attempt was, erm, unsatisfactory to say the least.

“Anyhow, I must turn on the machine and fall into slumber. With great luck, I will be granted a clear replica of the paper cup’s location. Goodnight!”

* * *

**3:00 PM** **Entry: 3** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“- _pant_ _pant_ \- Hello. I’ve just finished a - _pant_ \- day’s worth of digging at this site and - _pant_ \- my apologies if I sound out of breath, the sun’s radiance really scorched my vessel today, hahahaha… really though, my tendrils are drooping heavily right now.

“Unfortunately, today was not a good first day of excavating. The vision erected in my mind last night gave me no clarity in my quest, for it was nothing but an empty space that my subconscious self wandered around in. No vibrations to sense, no structures to feel, no sounds to detect, nothing. Despite it all I still decided to do some digging as soon as the sunlight returned. The ground was very pliable, so I was able to go reasonably deep into the earth, but I uncovered no paper cups nor any other pre-accretion artifacts around this site. 

“I did find something though: a small stack of bones! For any of you newly metamorphosed beings listening to this, these coins were the main currency used during the Age of Sages, far older than the moon bucks our collective utilizes in these present times. I know some of your beings may consider these too outdated to be worth anything, but I for one do find value in these jagged old things, so I’m keeping them! Who knows? The buck economy has been experiencing some major inflation as of late, and we may need to transition back to using hard clay as currency once again. It is a fanciful idea for sure, but one can never be too careful!

“This site, however, is worthless, and thus I must venture on. I, _of course_ , did not expect to immediately find the paper cup upon my arrival, and a part of me is glad that I didn’t. The fun of archeology comes just as much from the journey _to_ the artifacts as it does from their discovery, although I do sort of dread having lug around the weight of my tent and tools for who knows how long. I will apply some foam to this recorder’s worm and then make my first journey to the isle’s city. Some assistance from the residents will be vital to my quest.”

* * *

**10:48 AM** **Entry: 4** **Microworm: Wriggling**

“Greetings once again, my fellow academics.

“I am aware that I have not transmitted an entry in a little over a week, but that is simply because nothing eventful has occurred following the last entry and, truth be told, nothing notable is occurring now either. The body of my search for the paper cup has become impregnated with a chimera of hardships. By this point, I have trekked across most of the isle’s surface and have only determined but a few suitable digging sites, all located along the thin beaches east of the city. Those computer badlands to the west are far too hostile for a humble explorer like myself to risk venturing through alone, and the ground near that mysterious tower close by was too hard to do any digging. In case you are all wondering, I found nothing buried in those beaches. I can’t tell if my vision projector is malfunctioning on me or if its visions are apparent only to beings with eyesight.

“As for that city I had mentioned previously, well… it seems that I had not been sufficiently informed of how much lunacy had spread amongst the residents. Nearly all of the beings there were too mentally unsound to echo my greetings nor conduct answers to any questions I had for them. Even the city itself is under this confusion. Today I was told that I had entered **Ttuggharak, the Ocean City** , when on an earlier visit it had been called **Homditeranl, the Chemical City**. Only a scarce few were able to converse with me, mostly the indoor dwellers and shopkeepers, but even they were far too busy supervising their shops or tending to their insects to help lead me in the direction of a good digging site. I was at least able to collect supplies from them, food mainly. None were selling any worm foam though, so it looks like I will need to be more sparing with how many audio recordings I transmit as I have but one more tube of foam left.

…

“Earlier today I walked straight into a lone house somewhere northwest of the city. I could sense someone was inside, and I wanted to talk to anyone besides those townsfolk, but I did not enter. For good reason, of course! It was because I felt the most otherworldly energy emitting from whatever was residing in that house. You all may not believe me, but I think that I stumbled onto a homunculus psychic, for although their energy was fleshly the power of it still seized me like a moon enchantment. Thankfully the organism inside was snoring peacefully, so I was able to walk away without awakening their potential wrath upon my glands!

…

“- _sigh_ -

“Smuldunde, I know that you’re most likely thinking about how your protégé is going way over their head with this mission right now, but I guarantee you that I am certainly not! Yes, maybe I am a bit younger than yourself when you began your archeological exploits, but I find that experience comes just as much from aptitude as it does age. All great explorers need to leave their mentor at some point, and considering how well I’ve been doing so far I would think you’d feel very foolish to have fought me so hard on this decision. My supplies are sufficient and my patience is endless. No matter how long it takes, I WILL return from this island with the fabled paper cup! Just you wait!”

* * *

**10:58 AM** **Entry: 5** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“So I have come to the conclusion that this island does not in fact hold the paper cup that I have so long searched for. I have exhausted all of the possible digging sites, and each night my vision projector continues to lead me astray. And of course the city dwellers of **Whatever-they’re-calling-that-place-this-time** continue to be too incomprehensible to assist me. I’ve decided to take a boat out to the center island. One of the few things I could gather from the residents were some local legends about that area, something to do with a dread knight entombed in a large shell or something. I cannot recall exactly how it went. Still, it ignites the suggestion of old artifacts being plentiful there, and with luck maybe some better shops that may actually carry some usable foam. I swear by my bones that this accursed microworm keeps desiccating every other day.

“Also, I do still stand by what I said in my last recording. If anything, getting these thoughts out of my glands allows me to make more rational decisions. Now I must set off before the boat leaves for today. I will transmit another message once I make it to my destination. Take care.”

* * *

**12:01 PM** **Entry: 6** **Microworm: Desiccating**

* _bump_ *

“Oof! My apologies, I did not detect your vibrations near me.”

“Watch where you’re going, hylic!”

“Yes, of cour- wait, ‘hylic?’ Why do you call me that as if it is an insult? You yourself do not emit any energy above my own-”

“You better halt that half-witted mouth of yours before my claws cut your flesh into meaty chunks! Us clawmen do business with King Gibby himself, and thus by divine law he bestows us a position higher than that of you lowly cretins. Don’t you dare forget that!”

“Oh, um, right! I understand now. I’ll just go ahead and be on my way… not bumping into you anymore...”

…

“ - _grumble_ \- Damn bureaucrat - _grumble grumble_ \- why does Gibby’s court seem to consist of the worst beings? - _grumble_ \- and all this faux ‘hierarchy’ bullshit - _grumble grumble_ -”

…

…

“Um, excuse me please. I need to go through to board the boat.”

“You may not do so. A deputy of our King has relayed me his orders that this port is to be closed indefinitely. Turn around and leave at once.”

“What?! B-Bu-But that doesn’t make a membrane of sense! Why would Gibby want to - _SLICE_ \- OWW!”

“You dare ignore our celestial suzerain’s proper title?!”

“Ack, mu-my deepest apologies! What I meant to say was why would our Great King Gibby’s mind toast a biscuit over the fate of this humble port? I wholly respect His Wisdom, but I need to leave this isle-”

“I do not care what you need. Us hylics are bound to the Wills of the King, no matter how specific they may be. Move along now before I slay you.”

“But I… - _sigh_ \- Alright. If that is how it must be.”

…

…

…

“Huh? When did I turn this thing on?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone whose curious, the academy that Dedusmuln is referring to is just some kind of archeological institute. It's hard to come up with a location's name in this context considering every location name in-game is randomly generated.


	2. Entries 7-11

**8:30 AM** **Entry: 7** **Microworm: Wriggling**

“Greetings once again. I hope you will all be able to hear this message clearly, this downpour keeps getting more and more intense by the hour. I give great blessings to the power of my tent’s stalwart tarp for holding strong against such a watery whomping!

“Anyway, it has been two days since my last recording, and in that time there has been a dramatic shift in my plans. The island’s port has ceased to function, and the guards are all adamant about keeping it that way. Suffice to say, I am now trapped here.

“However, while other explorers may see this event as an impassable roadblock, I instead choose to view this as a divergent path in my archeological venture! That proclaim I’d previously made about exhausting all possible digging sites on this island was in reality a bit of a fib. There was actually a great mountain above the city that I had been told cradles the ruins of an ancient civilization, but at the time I wisely chose not to ascend it due to it also being the lair of the infamous cone cultists. Last night however, while camping close to the city, my projector finally molded a clear vision in my mind: two large, fallen monuments of the roughest clay texture and of very different shapes, with an X marked into the ground right between them. That is where the paper cup lies, and now nothing can stop me from venturing forth and finally holding its ancient frustum in my hands!

“To prepare for my dangerous journey, I acquired a dirk in case I need to defend myself. While fighting was never my purpose in this mission, those cultists are far too hostile for me to risk being without a steady battle instrument, for my gestures are not particularly strong on their own. I also went and bought some red rope stanchions to place around my tent, as I was told by the shopkeeper that even the slight sanity the cultists possess cannot prevent their fear of the color red. Both of these investments cost me a large sum of bucks, but at least I still have enough to feed myself for the next few weeks.

“Oh, on the subject of food, I would like to send the word that the vegetables here are truly delicious! Both stupendous nourishment and a great cure-all for ailments when properly deployed! Earlier this morning I stumbled upon a large vegetable patch close to that lone house and decided to pick a few for myself. As soon as I felt that house-dweller’s vibrations I booked it and safely got away.

“...There were a lot of vegetables there, I doubt they would have noticed what I took.

…

“Goodbye!”

* * *

**5:00 PM** **Entry: 8** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“Hi, it is me once again.

“At this moment, I, um… ahem! At this moment I stand at the steps which will lead me up the mountain and straight to the ruins. I have never entered hostile territory alone before now, so I am making the wise decision to wait until nightfall before venturing up there. It is common knowledge that the cone cultists are far less active at night, correct? Is that correct? I-I-I think I remember hearing about that from the city’s expositionalist, unless I was just lucky enough to hear something lucid out of them. You know what? Let’s just say yes, I am to begin my exploration at night… wait no! What am I saying, that’s idioteque! I’d be even closer to the moon that way. Full range for Gibby to wheel his delusion rays upon me! Ugh! Why could the paper cup not be buried anywhere else?!

...

“So as you more experienced archeologists may have been able to tell, I was just _mimicking_ the nervous wrestling between brain and glands that many yearling explorers do when faced with a potential danger! Those very thoughts were wriggling within me some time ago when coming up with a plan, but by getting them out of my system in the method I just demonstrated I was _totally_ able to come up with the foolproof plan of walking up the stairs and… and navigating the ruins at _this_ exact time of day! My tendrils are coated in bright, warm sunlight, so I would imagine it would be cumbersome for those cultists to walk about their turf under the heat and weight of their own coneheads. You see, Smuldunde, here I employ one of the explorer’s strategies that you had shown me during the Broader Toothpick Expedition! Hahahahaha, one could say I’m truly coming into my own now!

“Once I find a suitable location to pitch my tent, I will record another message. Take care and _please_ wish me the best of luck!”

* * *

**6:22 PM** **Entry: 9** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“S-S-Salutations to you all! I promise all who are listening that my sta-stammering is coming from a place of excitement, for now I have _finally_ reached the climax of my archeological journey!

“I suppose I should, uh, start from the beginning, keep it professional. The trek around the ruins was mined with hazardous foes, as I suspected. They were not t-terribly hard to dodge, and I made sure to hu-hug the wall of any structure to try and memorize a path and all that look I can’t contain it any longer. I found a real and functioning water cooler!!!!

“Eheheheeheheheheheheeeee!!!!

“Ah, ahem. Forgive my raw jubilancy, but this discovery serves as a zenith for evidence of the paper cup’s location. I have made sure to pitch the tent and lay out the rope stanchions around it for protection, and now inside my tent I stand next to this wondrous machine. I’ve caressed the pestistal’s sleek coat over and over just to confirm that it is indeed made of plastic. Such a strange, rare material. Its texture is as similarly alien as that of the elusive ‘wood’ or ‘iron,’ and to me elicited the sensation of both hollowness and sturdiness when I tapped my fingers to its surface. And then there is the dispenser that crowns it. Refrigerant liquid of such thin viscosity, its coolness radiates even all these centuries after its formation. Even as someone who has studied these coolers for over a decade, its presence is making me tremble a little. Oh what secrets I can unlock by placing a paper cup unto its grille and sipping its sweet elixir!

“I’ll try to do some digging in a little while, but I can sense evening coming on and cannot risk being outside for too long. Since I’ve exhausted my worm foam, I’ll try not to…

*faint static sounds*

“What on earth? Something’s outside the tent… wait. Is that what I think it is?

…

*loud static*

“Oh my glands, I’m right! It’s a television! How did I not notice such a machine while setting up camp? I suppose because it was turned off? Well, no matter! Any new gesture to learn will be of great assistance in my excavation. Now let me just-

*thwap!*

“What the?

*static sound moving away*

“What… legs? It grew legs?! Wait, come back here!

…

…

“- _huff_ _huff_ \- Come back here you electric rapscallion, I don’t want to hurt you! - _huff_ _huff_ \- I just want to view your - _WHACK_ \- Agghhh!”

“A TRESPASSER IGNITES THEIR VESSEL UPON OUR MOUNTAIN GOVERNMENT!”

* _WHACK_ _WHACK WHACK_ *

“Ahhh! Pl-Please stop! I-I-I mean no harm I’m just here to - _SLICE_ \- AAGGHHH!”

“YOU ARE BUT A STYROFOAM GASTROPOD TO OUR PLENTY! THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE DOTH REQUIRE YOUR SACRIFICE!!”

“GLORY BE TO THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE!”

“YEAH, GO DOOMSDAY!”

* _WHACK_ _WHACK WHACK_ *

*KRZZZZZZT*

* * *

**11:59 PM** **Entry: 10** **Microworm: Desiccating**

*bzzzt*

“-thing still work? Ah, it does. The wonders of worm-powered mechanics never cease to ahhhhhhck, - _whimper_ \- owwww…

“Those cultists whomped me thoroughly. I tell you, if I hadn't gestured a perfect Panorama at that group I would have been a wet pile of bones on their way to the Afterlife. Their confusion let me escape, aarghh, but as I ran more kept popping up! I was running around all over the ruins just to get away from them, it took hours to find this camp again! Some sound advice I’d like to give to any emergent explorers is don’t ever do what I just did why did I follow that TV out of the rope stanchion that was so stupid - _bump_ \- yeeoowwww!

“I had a lot of dents in flesh to smooth out, and my elbow is still leaking. They ripped up my coat a lot too, but maybe I can just pass it off as a rebellious fashion statement or something. A part of me wishes I had been sent to the Afterlife. I am lucky enough to be near a crystalline gateway to return me to where’st I died, and if everything I’ve been told of that place is true then at least there I could have rested on their mystic couch. I suppose my sleeping cot should suffice, but it will still take some time until my flesh is fully restored.

…

“- _whimper_ -

“I wish I could talk to someone right now, someone who actually cares to be in my presence. It’s so lonely here. The very earth of this isle exhumes an odd feeling of sadness, as if this were a land forced to persist in sustaining life despite having nothing left to offer. Perhaps this is the reason why these ruins take up more space than the city below it. Yet even in that little pocket of life those city dwellers do their best to make me feel alone. Why? Why is it so hard for me to obtain any sort of companionship?! And I know what you’re going to say Smuldunde, you’re going to say my schizoid nature is merely the fault of me being a pushover or some other off hand remark as if you truly know me, but you don’t! You cannot fathom how difficult it is for me to co-mingle with those I don’t know! It’s because I’m such a… such a _narrow_ being, and no one gives a damn about my restricted fixations! That’s what I’ll always be and I accept that!

“- _sobbing_ -

...

“- _deep_ _inhale_ -

“- _exhale_ -

“I’m too upset to think straight right now, I need to go to sleep. I’ll record another message whenever the hell I feel better, and I’m sure as hell not gonna ever transmit this one. Goodnight.”

* * *

**9:43 AM** **Entry: 11** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“Good morning to all those back at the academy! It is I, Dedusmuln, once again here to update the current status of my archaeological exploits!

“The weather right now is cloudy and humid. I cannot clearly detect if any storms will be arriving today, but I do hope for a light rainfall at some point to soften up this dry earth. Still, it is not an unyielding pain to dig holes. I have already dug a cluster around the tent, despite not finding anything-”

“FACE US YOU CRAVEN STOLON! YOUR GESTURE’S PASSION WILL FAIL YOU IN OUR CHEMISTRY!”

“Ahh, that voice you here is just one of those wicked cultists flexing their mandibles at me. Just ignore it, they can’t cross the rope stanchion.”

“YOU SUCK!”

“At least I am not stopped by a singular color! Ugh, these coneheads have been taking turns harassing me all morning, and now it will be difficult to do any excavating outside of the stanchion. I had gotten into a scuffle with a group of them sometime yesterday and inflicted a perfect Panorama on them, not like their silly ‘doomsday machine’ conspiracies didn’t already make them confused. No need to worry about me though, I made it out with but a few dents!”

“INNUMERABLE FABRICATIONS!”

“Will you please leave me alone?!”

“NOT UNTIL THOU HAS GIVEN THY WRETCHED BEING TO OUR DOOMSDAY MACHINE!”

“I’m not going to die for your fictitious machine! Ugh! I’m taking this into the tent!

…

“ _As I was saying_ , since I am 100% certain of the paper cup’s general location, I would imagine that my search could come to an end in roughly a week or less. All that I need to do now is keep digging where I feel is right and continue to refer to my vision projector to pin down the shape of those fallen monuments. - _sigh_ \- It is situations like these that make me wish I had eyes to assist me with these puzzles. I did make a carving of the shapes on a little polymer slab I found some time ago though, let me just pull it out of my satchel and reexamine it briefly…

…

“Hmm?

…

“There’s a… there’s a big hole in the bottom of my satchel, I must not have noticed it after the scuffle. There’s nothing in here; no stone, no juice nor burritos, no bucks… they all fell out. I have no food or money.

…

…

“Everything’s going to get a lot harder now. Take care and... wish me luck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That "Doomsday Machine" that the cone cultists refer to is a reference to one of Mason Lindroth's earlier games, Asmosnos. The cone head of the playable character in that game really reminded me of the cultists, even down to the color. I would imagine that their doctrine revolves around them being the ones "chosen" to locate this doomsday machine and, once activated, they'll be transported to a new planet where they'll be worshiped as gods, or something like that.


	3. Entries 12-22

**7:50 PM** **Entry: 12** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“Greetings to anyone else who may or may not be listening to this recording.

“It has been two days since I began excavating at these ruins, and I have now dug every square meter within the stanchion I set up, barring the tent obviously. I have found nothing. This at least informs me that the paper cup is not located in this section of the ruins, but now I am presented with the conflict of how I am to go about digging safely atop this cult infested mountain. Perhaps I shall try to gain the premonition of any sign of waning in their twisted gallivanting. Oh, if only I could dig at night, that would make my task remarkably easier! But of course not, not as long as our ‘Valiant King’ Gibby keeps up that cruel lunar convexity with his celestial engine. Ugghhh!

“I haven’t eaten anything these past two days, and I can feel my glands cursing my very being for subjecting them to this torment. I’ll find a way to sneak back down to the city and find some sustenance. The life of an artifact seeker is indeed a challenge, that I always knew, but the way I perceive it it’s these sorts of hardships that help harden one’s flesh and bolden one’s aptitude. I’m sure all of you at the academy think I’m doing a wonderful job despite my circumstances, and I would like you all to know that I would indeed very much appreciate that!”

* * *

**8:58 AM** **Entry: 13** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“Alright! This obviously will not be transmitted, just a reminder for future ventures. The city’s most viable trash cans are located left of the entrance and just outside the bathhouse. Perhaps I could have also checked any toilets… no! Only the absolute dregs of society feast on toilet scraps! I will not resort to that!

“Hmmm. Despite their origin, I would consider these scraps of food to be a decent hall. Lets see… two softening vegetables, an entire can of aspic, and a delayed hotdog. Now that I finally have some sort of sustenance, I can ignite my body for some more digging today!”

* * *

**9:04 AM** **Entry: 14** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“Uggghhhh. - _belch_ \- Important reminder for the future! Do NOT eat a delayed hotdog! Do NOT eat ANYTHING delayed! Your glands will - _retch_ \- hang on...

“BLLLLLEEEEEEEEEGGGGEHHHHHHH! - _cough cough_ \- BLLLLAAAAAAGHHH-”

*KRZZZZZZT*

* * *

**10:50 PM** **Entry: 15** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“Today marks my first day digging outside of the rope stanchion. There is nothing buried between any of those monuments in the northwest corner. The cone cultists continue to make things difficult for me, so my new plan is to hike around the ruins every few hours and try to feel the shape of as many structures as possible until I find the shape of the two I’m looking for.

“Oh, right, I forgot to eat anything since this morning. Good thing I still have this can of aspic!

…

…

“Ugh…”

*KRZZZZZZT*

* * *

**5:26 AM** **Entry: 16** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“Good morning! I know it’s a little early to be recording anything, but while dreaming I was given an important new apparition from my vision projector and I need to catalogue it before I forget. Alright, as I left my tent there was this strange being who approached me that-”

*KRZZZZZZT*

* * *

**6:11 AM** **Entry: 17** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“Something went wrong with my recorder, let me try that again. They-”

*KRZZZZZZT*

* * *

**6:45 AM** **Entry: 18** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“The-”

*KRZZZZZZT*

* * *

**5:39 PM** **Entry: 19** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“OK, I believe I fixed this thing finally. Just needed to hold it out sideways so that the worm could rotate back into its proper position.

“Anyway, today was as uneventful as ever. Turns out it is pretty difficult to get a feel of a whole monument whilst being pursued by those cultists. I would have tried killing them to get them to leave me alone, but today they pursued me in too big of a swarm to give that a shot. While dying is a tempting option, a big part of me is afraid that while I’m gone for that long they’ll find a way to enter the rope stanchion and steal my machine, sort of like what that school of carassiuses almost did to us during my last expedition. I’ll only perish if absolutely necessary.

“Oh yeah, that vision! I still haven’t recorded it yet! OK, so there was this being who approached me, and...erm… and they vexxed a… uh...

…

“Ah dammit! Now I forgot!”

* * *

**4:46 PM** **Entry: 20** **Microworm: Desiccating**

“Hey guuuuuys, how’s it hangin’?

“I’m not hangin’ at all, in fact I’m chillin’. Get it? I’m chillin’ ‘cause it’s reallllllly cold up here today! Ahahahahahahahaha!

“Anyhow, nothing of any importance happened today, _as usual_. Oh, I did snap and tried to kill some coneheads for their delicious meat. I don’t even need to go to the Afterlife, I’m so hungry I’d just eat that stuff raw. I was reeeeeeal close to slaying those cretins, but just before I could finish ‘em off they escaped on me! Can you believe that? Ugh, maybe their new plan is to starve me long enough until I join them or something. I dunno. And geez what’s with this water cooler? It keeps taunting me with all that liquid that I can’t drink. Well you can taunt me all you want, at least I have sentience ya dumb inanimate bastard!

“- _muttering_ \- Cut this out Dedusmuln, you sound like an idiot right now!

“Anyway, I’m… I’m very hungry and thirsty right now and I keep finding nothing on this hostile mountain. Even if I wanted to give up right now I can’t because the port is still closed and I cannot escape this deathly island. I don’t care if I die over and over and over again or if something happens to my vision projector or if I never speak to anyone for the next hundred years, I will NOT stop until I find that paper cup!

“No more recordings until something important happens! Goodbye!”

* * *

**12:00 AM** **Entry: 21** **Microworm: Dry**

…

…

…

“I finally ate something today. Or should I say yesterday.

“It had dawned on me that I still possessed that stack of bones I found over a month ago, so I snuck back into town to see if I could buy anything with them. Most shops wouldn’t take them, but I kept moving around and asking until the clerk at the Burrito & Dynamite stand finally let me use them to purchase a frozen burrito and a juice box. She even microwaved the burrito for me. How sweet. I almost forgot how good it felt for someone to help you with something.

“Even though my body had finally been nourished, I chose not to do any digging today. Every day since I arrived on this isle I’ve done nothing but excavate, travel, or plan to excavate or travel, and I was in sore need of a mental health day to relax my vessel and reignite my being. All day I just wandered aimlessly around the city. I sat down for a while on a comfy couch and fed the scraps of my juice box to the insects, all while listening to the aimless ramblings of the residents in hopes of catching a coherent conversation. I couldn’t make flesh or bone of anything they said, but I will admit their maundering musings did start to have a hypnotic effect on me, sort of like poetry I suppose, and it allowed me to nod off for a while. Sometimes I wonder if they are all conscious and thinking, and that their lunacy merely curses them to be unable to say or act upon whatever they’re thinking. That would be a terrible fate indeed.

“I actually woke from my nap not too long ago. It was already nighttime when I ventured back up the mountain to my camp and, judging from the faint light my tendrils detect, the moon should be right over my head at this moment. I’m not even under my tent right now. I just want to absorb some of this wretched moonlight to see if it really does make me a lunatic. Hahahahahahaha. Considering what I’ve been through this whole time, I would say I’m already a self-made lunatic! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

“Well, anyway, I’ll try to get some good rest until this afternoon, then I’ll get back to exploring the ruins for those two specific monuments. I’ll send my next transmission tomorrow to report on my progress.

…

“Oh who am I kidding? This device is just an audio journal, it isn’t even powerful enough to actually transmit any of these recordings anywhere. - _sigh_ \- I don’t know why I kept this little game up with myself for this long. Maybe I just want someone to listen to me so bad that I have to fool my mind into thinking that I’m actually worth listening to.

“Truthfully, I don’t even want to be famous. I am acutely aware of the ground I will break upon discovering and utilizing the paper cup, but even when… _if_ I find this artifact, I do not want to be subjected to the same level of notoriety as that of my mentor. As much as I do envy their talents, I can also understand their exhaustion of only being held to the standards of their most significant discovery. 

“‘Smuldunde: Excavator of the Toothpick and Re-discoverer of Wood!’ Forever doomed to be treated as if they were the sole sage of that artifact, unable to get away and explore the earth for their own sake.

“‘Dedusmuln: Excavator of the Paper Cup and First to Drink from the Water Cooler!’ It’s a nice title to have, but truthfully what I really want more than any paper cup is the confirmation that I _can_ excavate these artifacts by myself and that I _can_ keep doing this for the rest of my life! All I want is to be a confident, respectable archaeologist, adventuring across the great clay earth and slowly uncovering the truths of the world and beings before us!

“Ahahahahaha… but I supposed even that is but a distant dream in this grand delusion we call a planet. I mean, I can’t even do something as simple as digging at night due to the living under the influence of our cruel, selfish, malignant, uncaring, unstable, unjustifiable JERK of a king!

“That’s right Gibby, you cancerous snollygoster, I’m talking to you! Bend your head down from your petty little satellite up there and look at me! Look at every rude gesture I’m making with my hand here because that’s all you deserve for treating us like your playthings! For taking away our right to learn and evolve! I’m not afraid of you or your obnoxious little court of self-important hylics! The only reason you hide up there in your moon is so that I and the other sane ones won’t be able to rip your rotten glands out of your skinny little body! Oh wait, who am I kidding? The real reason you’re up there is because the lack of gravity is the only thing that can help support your BIG, DUMB HEAD! AARRGGHHH! I HATE YOU! AND I HATE THOSE CONEHEADS FOR WASTING THEIR PRECIOUS EXISTENCE ON RUINING THE LIVES OF OTHERS! AND I HATE THOSE GUARDS AND CLAWMEN AND ALL THE OTHER BUREAUCRATS FOR PUTTING THEIR PRIORITIES INTO ENACTING EVERY ONE OF OUR KING'S AWFUL ORDERS INSTEAD OF HELPING US! AND… AND… AND I HATE WHOEVER LIVES IN THAT LONE HOUSE! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY I WAS SO AFRAID OF APPROACHING THEM, THEY PROBABLY EAT OUT OF THEIR OWN TOILET FOR ALL I KNOW!

“- _pant pant pant pant_ -

“- _deep inhale_ -

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-”

*KRZZZZZZT*

* * *

**00:00 AM** **Entry: 000000** **Microworm: Dry**

“This thing’s about to destroy itself soon, so I might as well record a final message.

“If I’m happy I brought anything along for this journey, it would be for this audio journal. Having something I could relay my thoughts and feelings to helped me astronomically in regards to keeping my sanity, even if it were just an inanimate portable device. It certainly helped me, erm, let all of my pent up emotions out last night. Normally I do find myself craving solitude from time to time, that being one of the main reasons I fought to go on this expedition alone, but even still a part of me needed something to help push me along and convince myself that this entire mission was worth it. For me, that push came through in the idea that I was transmitting these messages along for my mentor and fellow artifact seekers to listen to and that they were all eagerly awaiting my next audio entry. 

“I’ll probably end up dying soon, either from another period of starvation or from another attack from those cultists. Maybe spending some time in the Afterlife will help me reflect on what to do next, for at the moment I am still feeling aimless. I’m going to miss the feeling of having someone to talk to about my adventures, but alas, that is the price of having these specific interests of mine.

...

“That energy... I can feel someone approaching my camp.

…

“They do not emit hostility. Hold on a moment...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly "cancerous snollygoster" might just be one of my new favorite insults now.


	4. Epiloque

“We can use the paper cup with this machine!”

Dedusmuln could hardly contain their enthusiasm as they guided their new companion to the great plastic pedestal that was the water cooler. This was it, the moment that they had waited almost their entire imago life for, the harvesting of a cooler’s water! Just the thought of what was about to happen made their body shake so much that they had to form tight fists to keep their hands from stimming vigorously. They could not comprehend how little this fellow artifact seeker seemed to react to such a wondrous event.

“Alright,” their companion spoke in a relaxed, yet curious tone, “so what do I do now?”

“Oh, it’s actually very simple! You must place the cup onto a recess in the cooler’s grille and depress the small blue lever. The fluid inside the reservoir should then flow right into the paper cup!”

“I dunno, that sounds kinda complicated. Maybe you should do it.”

“O-Oh, me?” Dedusmuln wrung their hands together. The emergent artifact seeker wanted so badly to be the first to enact their greatest dream, but also wanted this individual to view them as a professional in their field. “Well, you did uncover the paper cup for me, thus making _you_ its discoverer. It’s only appropriate that you should be the first to, you know, try it out and experience the, erm, unimaginable sensation of harvesting old world liquid...”

Their companion chuckled at their response, clearly picking up on their poorly disguised envy. Tendrils drooping, they once again felt the thick wave of embarrassment that always seemed to come whenever they expounded upon their interests to strangers.

“Nah, man, I don’t care about that. This is something you're passionate about, so you gotta be the one to, uh, sip that old liquid or whatever.”

With that, the stranger willingly gave the paper cup back to Dedusmuln, giving the back of their hand a little pat with his own pleather-gloved hand.

Dedusmuln was taken aback by such a kind gesture. Perhaps in an alternate reality where they were more composed and far less shy, they would have smiled and thanked this stranger for being so considerate of their passion. Instead the archaeologist could only blurt out a sudden “Ah!” before immediately moving up the water cooler and carefully dispensing the ancient liquid into the paper cup. This old world water had an oddly light weight to it, much unlike the water or juices of this planet post-accretion. They paused for a moment to take in the sensation of holding the filled cup before turning back to their companion.

“To the power of thin viscosity,” Dedusmuln proudly exclaimed, raising their cup as if making a toast, “and to the discovery of many more artifacts from the old times!”

They drank half of the water, then handed the rest off to their companion. The ancient liquid was absorbed directly into them, spreading throughout their body and filling them with a newly increased sense of will. Never before had they felt so refreshed!

“I can definitely get used to this!” the stranger exclaimed, “So are you really gonna join up with me, or were you just exaggerating? Where I’m going it’s gonna get kind of perilous, if you catch my drift.”

“Well, now that I have finally found the paper cup there is nothing left for me here.”

Dedusmuln hesitated for a moment.

“You, um, you wouldn’t mind if I come along, would you? I mean, as someone new to artifact seeking I assume you would want the insight of a seasoned explorer to assist you on your ventures. I-I suppose I might have been a bit brash with my declaration earlier, s-s-so if you don’t want me around I could...just…”

“Relax,” the stranger spoke calmly. He then gently held their hands in his own as a means of keeping them from nervously fidgeting. “Honestly I’m happy with just finding someone who wants to be around me. I’m not exactly great at making friends myself.”

Something about the stranger’s presence soothed Dedusmuln. His cool way of speaking helped to put the explorer’s racing mind at ease, and the strong energy emitting from his being that had originally intimidated them now gave off a kind feeling of warmness, as if they were being protected by a friendly cosmic entity. They could have sworn they felt an energy like that before not too long ago…

“Truly? I would imagine a being like you would have no trouble gaining allies, what with your sort of gravitational pull!”

He laughed at that remark. “Actually, I’m sorta the opposite. I tend to rotate around others, if you know what I mean. I, well, wasn’t really allowed to have much of a life until I came here, and now I want nothing more than to save this place from what it’ll soon become. Oh right, I should probably be straight with you, my mission is to go kill Gibby and end his reign on this planet. You still down for that?”

“Are you serious?!” A huge smile found its way onto Dedusmuln’s face. “I am so **_totally_ ** down for that! You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to give that tyrant a piece of my mind, or more accurately a piece of my gestures!”

“Don’t worry, you’re not the only one who’s got a bone to pick with Gibby. Hey, I bet if we find more of those cooler things, we can use their power to help us defeat him!”

“Ah, of course! We will take his dismissal of the value of old world artifacts and use it against him! Oh how we make such a perfect team: Dedusmuln and… umm…”

“Wayne.”

“Dedusmuln and Wayne! Artifact seeker and collector of powerful gestures!”

The two then spent a short while under the tent. They sat down on Dedusmuln’s soft sleeping cot and talked idly about their previous journeys as Wayne shared some of his food with his new friend. Dedusmuln was practically trembling with delight as they chewed on one of the many delicious vegetables, making sure to savor the juicy crispness of each bite. Wayne told them that he picked each vegetable fresh from his own garden, and they made sure to act nonchalant as he remarked on the occasional theft his garden had endured in the last few weeks.

  
Once the two had fully revitalized their flesh and will, the pair got up to begin their journey down the mountain and into the computer badlands, for Wayne had heard rumors of a portal there that would help lead them to his only other friend's house. As Dedusmuln made their way out of their tent, they found themself stepping right into the soft, formless clay that had once been their recording device. The extended dryness of the microworm had caused the machine to fully collapse in on itself, thus destroying both it and the entries it once held. They couldn’t care less about that old thing. Now they had a living being that they could share all their thoughts and feelings with, someone who actually wanted _their_ help and _their_ company, and that was worth more than all the paper cups in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wayne never knew that he had joined forces with a thief of his own vegetables, nor did Dedusmuln ever learn that his new friend willing eats toilet scraps until it was far too late. A blissful ignorance to jelly their biscuits.


End file.
